Have you have felt like you weren’t appreciated at work?
Or, tried to show appreciation towards someone else and felt that your efforts did not quite hit the mark?
It could be because you were not talking the same love language.
Showing gratitude towards the people in your setting is important for creating a thriving team where everyone feels valued and like they belong.
It has been my observation that not everyone likes to be acknowledged and have appreciation shown in the same way. In a parenting course I attended years ago I discovered the love languages, and this has been a strategy that I have applied as a parent time and time again.
I knew how this worked in a family context, but recently I discovered a book by Dr Gary Chapman and Dr Paul White entitled The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People, which really made me think about how this can be applied in a work context.
The 5 Languages According to Gary Chapman and Paul White are:
Words of Affirmation: People who have this love language thrive on and are motivated by kind words and praise. It could be about their performance, their character or their personal qualities. Let me give you an example:
Maria is the type of teacher that everyone likes. She is friendly to both teachers and parents. Children are instinctively drawn to her.
Where other teachers might enjoy tickets to the movies or a bunch of flowers as a sign of appreciation, this doesn’t really motivate her. What really makes Maria feel cared for is an encouraging word or praise for a job done well. Maria loves it when her Centre Manager gives her positive feedback about her work, or when her teammates tell her that her wall display is beautiful or when a parent pays her a compliment.
Do you have any Maria’s in your team? Do you have people who bask in the glow of verbal appreciation?
As a leader, it is important to ensure that you give positive feedback to the Maria’s in your team, however, don’t just praise for praise sake. Rather keep praise meaningful and specific. Lazy praise can have the opposite effect to what you intended.
Quality Time: People with this love language relish spending quality time with the leader or with the other people in the team. For example:
Tala is a team player, she likes to organise parent events at the centre and staff outings. She really enjoys talking to colleagues and parents and going the extra mile to ensure that everyone feels welcomed into the centre. What really helps Tala to feel supported and affirmed is when her Headteacher, Tracey, comes to spend the morning in her classroom and she can talk to her about all the amazing things that the children are doing. Tala also loves meeting up with her fellow teachers for a coffee or having conversations in the lunchroom.
As you can see, Tala’s love language is quality time. If you have people in your team who have this love language, show them that you care by giving them the gift of your time through one-to-one moments of full attention.
Acts of Service: Kaiako with this love language feel your appreciation when you do things for them, like making them a cup of tea or helping them solve a problem. Here is an example:
Sam is a hard worker, he has loads of energy and he is extremely efficient. He doesn’t care about praise or recognition, he just likes to enjoy the satisfaction of seeing a job done well. What Sam really appreciates is when his workmates help him to tidy up the playground at the end of the day or rake the sand-pit.
You see Sam’s approach to appreciation is “don’t tell me that you care – show me.” If you have a Sam in your team keep this person’s heart tank filled by performing kind acts of service.
Gifts: Show this person you appreciate them by giving thoughtful gifts. Let me share this example with you:
Stephanie is a hard worker, she is meticulous at what she does. Stephanie has aspirations to be a manager and she thrives on a challenge. Although she appreciates positive feedback from her Centre Director, Sally, this doesn’t really motivate her. Stephanie loves it when Sally buys her, her favourite coffee from the local cafe and leaves this on her desk with a little note. Stephanie really feels special when a parent brings in home-baking for morning tea and her fellow teacher gives her a gift of fresh honey from her bees.
If you have a Stephanie in your team they will feel your appreciation with tangible gifts such as flowers, a massage voucher or time off.
A word of guidance of tangible gifts – get to know the other person and what they value. Think about what they would like when giving a gift and not what you would like to receive.
Physical Touch: This can be a bit of a tricky one in the workplace as this can be a bit polarising for some people. However, you might have people in your workplace who thrive in this form of appreciation. Let me give you an example:
Jenny is a warm and bubbly person, she is quick to greet others with a hug or even a kiss on the cheek. Children love coming to her for cuddles or sitting on her lap for a story. It is little surprise that Jenny’s love language is physical touch.
Do you have a Jenny in your centre? Someone who loves hugs?
Some ways to show a person with this love language that you care for them is to give them a hug, a firm handshake, a high five or a pat on the back.
We are luckier than most in that appropriate physical touch is more readily accepted amongst colleagues in early childhood setting than in other professions. However, when you choose to use these actions really does depend on the person that you are showing appreciation to. Consider their comfort levels and how well you know them.
Further Ideas for Using Love Languages in Your Setting…
Spend some time getting to know the love languages of the people in your setting. Use this as a tool to build trust and meaningful connections.
You might want to discuss this at a team meeting or complete a quiz as an icebreaker exercise.
Our love language is usually how we choose to show love. Learn to show appreciation by observing your teammates and how they show love and appreciation to others.
Some further ideas for showing gratitude towards your fellow kaiako might be:
- Giving a teacher time off so she can attend her child’s sports day.
- Spending time having a conversation with fellow kaiako.
- Cooking a meal for a kaiako who is sick or has had a bereavement in the family.
- Leaving a hand-picked bunch of flowers and a hand-written note for a teacher who is going through a difficult time.
- Speaking words of encouragement.
- Paying someone a compliment.
- Random acts of kindness.
- Spending time with teammates outside of work.
- Giving a hug.
- Celebrating a teacher’s achievement or special moment.
- Baking someone a cake.
- Helping a teacher to tidy up at the end of the day.
- Shouting morning tea.
- Doing someone else’s job, like folding the washing, unpacking the dishwasher or tidying up the art sink.
What do you think?
Perhaps you have identified your love language or the love language of others in the examples below.
What makes you feel loved and valued?
How could you show that you appreciate and care for someone in your team, in your family, in your life?
I would love to hear from you.
Be sure to check out 3 Good Things for Teams, which is based on some of the research that I did on love languages. Find out how you can improve your wellbeing, belonging and happiness at work through the power of gratitude.